Scotland!
My nana and I
I go to Scotland, usually a couple of times a year. I have been my whole life. Scotland holds a very special place in my heart, because that’s where my nana and grandad lived. Now it’s where my sister, niece and brother-in-law live.
My nana (pictured above) was a phenomenal woman, who was probably my first experience of what true love was.
She was there for me, even though i couldn’t see her very often, she was always there for me over the phone. I used to remember thinking to myself, ah, i really want to get back to my program or something, when she would talk a lot, but now I’d give my limbs just to hear her talk even for 2 minutes.
I miss my nana deeply, as well as my other grandparents. They were all very incredible. But I had a special relationship with my nana. She experienced mental health issues most of her life, namely depression. She used to say that her depression felt like walking through syrup, when everyone else was walking through air.
I feel like that was such a poignant way of describing depression, and it is, just like walking through the syrup or maybe even mud, and seeing everyone else supposedly just walking through air. It is a truly isolating, terrifying time, and it can feel like you’re the only one.
I felt like I was the only one, when i was a teenager, hearing voices, in the depths of darkness that i didn’t yet have words to articulate. But my nana, she’d pick up the phone and all I’d have to do was say hello, and she’d say “ah pet” in a way that made me feel completely understood and soothed. I wish I had a recording, because it was the most beautiful thing.
I remember going to Scotland during school holidays, and making endless amounts of cards and doing so much arts and crafts, as it was her passion. I loved how passionate about it she was.
She was also a Reverend, but she never judged me for smoking, having tattoos, or anything. She just loved me.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this blog, except to remember her.
I want to finish with a funny story. One day my grandad asked me and my sister, “what’s the difference between a kiss and a snog?” and I had never had my first kiss so I didn’t know. He then told us it was “about 20 minutes”. LOL.
I then felt quite insecure about never having had my first kiss and my nana, told me a story about her first kiss (which was with my grandad) – She told us she thought “YEUK” when she had it, and that made me chuckle.
She said with time she grew to enjoy it, as my grandad was her one true love. They both used to tell me and my siblings that love is a doing word, not something you just say to people.
My nanny, grandad, nana, and grandad choo choo were beautiful souls, and I hope that they’re watching me from somewhere, proud of me.
I love you, if somehow you’re reading this.
And to those of y0u who still have your grandparents, cherish them. You never know what’s round the corner.